hey, what's up everyone?
how's your guys' lives have been treating you so far?
don't ask mine because i'm going to tell you,
mine is fine, i guess, it's an ordinary as always.
i'm not around here for a long time
and lots of things have happened in my plain life,
well, all of the incidents were somehow worth for me
because i learn how to live my life from their mistakes
and they teach me how to spend times worthily,
yeah, i know it's too abstract to understand,
i barely understand it as well...
(oh my, too abstract, though, lol)
well, my recently life is plain with sometimes it gets rough
i mean emotionally rough but not much as psychological one
you know, sometimes people need times to think about things
over and over, again and again
because we want to rethink about them
and probably because we 'regret' them
as we might have done them wrongly
and they cause troubles with the maker and the receiver
but what i am going to say is
that what i have done causes both of me and the opposite person
which i still 'regret' until TODAY ...
going back to my lately break in the first days of this October,
i have too much free times and i get bored
so i look around the stuffs which are in my laptop,
then, i find my old chat logs which i save them since before i get into the university
which is uhmmm... 2 and a half years ago...
the chat log starts with the conversation between me and the one i talk to
i feel kind of awkward because we are kind of new to each other
so the conversations are just about the introducing of ourselves
and usual questions which you might ask to the person you know at the first time...
i can feel that the conversations between 2 persons are getting more intimate
the more i read, the more i feel intimacy between me and the one i talk to...
i read all of the conversations until it reaches the end
and feel that anyone who reads this might guess that me and the one can get along well,
which is the same as i was hoping at that time,
but it's not like that...
at first we get to know each other, things go well, i can say very well
we know how to live together even though we get into the misunderstandings
but at the last, we know how to compromise and how to forgive each other
we take care each other as much as 'friends' can do
and you might guess that we get too close until we find out that we are not friends anymore
but become more than friends, and i might not have to say what we are to each other, right?
however, happiness runs fast as the grieve comes and replaces it instead,
yeah, we broke up, i could say this...
the cause is just a little thing which we understand oppositely - makes our relations get worse
me: always keep things in mind and barely say them out
because i think, sometimes, something is better not to tell nor say it out
as i think what i say might hurt the one i talk to
the one i talk to: always says things out and asks out what 'the one' doesn't understand
because 'the one' thinks that keeping things in mind and doesn't tell or says it out
just makes things worse as both of us might misunderstand or get them oppositely
as i said above, i think like that but 'the one' thinks oppositely
so, when problems occur continuously, i keep them while 'the one' asks me 'why'
finally, i decide to stop saying which causes the BIGGEST misunderstanding to both of us
i could say that our broke-up is caused by "me",
only because i didn't say it out why i don't talk to 'the one' as usual
i remember once 'the one' asks me these questions, they make me stunned...
"what's wrong with you?
why don't you talk to me as you always do?
have i done anything wrong?
tell me or proof that you don't love me any long..."
as i hear this, i'm speechless,
i don't even know what to say or what to tell, just be stunned and motionless
then, the result is, as above, we broke up...
you might want to know what about now?
well, we don't even talk, keep in touch, or look at each other's face
we are totally 'strangers'...
if i could turn back time, i would tell 'the one' what are on my mind, all of them
i wish we would work things out and we could be the same as the previous...
i am a daydreamer, ain't i?
from my bottomless memory,
Rarm,
Oct 30th, 2009
15 minutes to midnight
(a year from the last page, sadly anniversary...)
1 ความคิดเห็น:
จะเขียนอะไรมากมายท่านพี่ แหมเขียนซะยาวเลย
ขีเกียจอ่านอ่ะ
แสดงความคิดเห็น