(wrote on Oct 17th, 2008; my home)
(continued on Oct, 30th, 2008; at my dorm)
what's up you guys?
how's going? how's your semester break?
hope it went good, though
how about mine?
well, mine was such a short time
it's kinda long story
but you might think it's short, though :P
in fact, i finished my final exam since Sept 29th
(i think i typed it in here already, didn't i?)
but i went back to my mom's town on Oct 4th-5th
and i wasted my time overthere since that day
until my brother came on Oct 11th
then, we headed back to my hometown on Oct 13th
see? i spent (also wasted) my time there about a week
and actually did nothing important, hahaha
what a good son i am !!!
and some of you guys might know that
the day after i went back to BKK
was my 21 years old birthday
Woooooooow !!!
I can drink and smoke legally now,
what a great BD !!!
(na ah, i'm just kidding, though, hehehe)
for my BD present,
my grandmom bought me
a pair of 2nd handed sneakers
i was accidentally found them
on the way back to my mom's home
there was a little place
where sold 2nd handed stuffs
i was looking around
and didn't mean to buy anything
but i found these pairs,
kinda like at 1st sight, hahaha :P
they were just the simple sneakers, though
but so freaking cheap, believe me?
can't imagine that
i could possibly buy them in 70 baht !!!
well, in fact i really don't mind about the prize
but i rarely buy the 2nd handed things, tho
these sneakers probably are the 1st, i guess (- -)"
and, what did i do in my 21 years old birthday?
well, every single of my BDs
are as simple as everyday, though
i woke up a bit late
and went to do a merit with my bro and my dad
that's all !!! and you don't believe what i said?
well, it's true , though
i just did a merit as i usually do for my BD,
but what's wrong then?
i think if you guys, as the readers, are foreigners
you guys might do a hugh celebration, huh?
well, when i was in the US. i heard that
when you turn to 21 you can drink legally, huh?
so, that's a reason why you guys celebrate then...
but i felt good, though
because at least many people recognized my BD
some of them gave me a call
some of them sent me a message
some of them blessed me on my hi5
the either ways they did, i still appriciate all of them
so, it's time for me to say
thank you sooooo much you guys
you probably won't going to read this
but i still want to say it
i really glad that all of you remembered my BD
it was just a day in 365 days, a little spot
but you still remembered it
i felt so happy everytime i saw messages from you
really, really happy, and don't know what i could say
to express all of my happiness
and again, thank you so much
muah !!!
okay, let's talk about today
there actually is a main point why i'm here today
let's get start...
today i went to meet "a person"
(from now it's a flashback, so don't be confusing)
it started when we were in the primary school
we knew each other and were friends since 4th grade
and when we were in 5th grade, we were getting closer
i meant that we did activities together
and besided each other almost all the time
especially when we took the responsibility;
had to look after the students
when we were scouts, i always was with "someone"
i felt disappoint once when we turned to 6th grade;
i reserved a seat for "someone" where besided mine
but we were seperated,
meant we weren't in the same classroom
but we still were friends until we were seperated
when we had to go to the different high school
eventhough we weren't in the same high school
but we still kept in touch with each other
but it's less than we usually did in the previous
because we weren't in the same high school
and didnt see each other so often
which made me thought that "someone"
had been changing...
how did i know?
there were several times that
"someone" phoned to me
and asked about something
which made me sad
what was it about? it's about someone's love
there were some people asked "someone"
to be their friends but not that kind,
i meant to going out and had a date together
then "someone" asked me
what did "someone" suppose to do?
what should i say? in fact, i was
SPEECHLESS!
after seconds, all i could say was
"i'm glad to hear that", that's all
i didnt know what i had to say,
just stayed still, being stun...
as we were seperated when we were in high school
i had only a few chances to meet "someone"
because we both had our own routines...
and today (Oct 17th, 08)
i had a greatest chance to meet "SOMEONE"
i didnt see "someone" for 4 years
IT'S FREAKIN' FOUR YEARS, DUDE!!!
can u imaging how glad did i feel?
i was a bit trembling while i waited for
"someone" to come...
but when i met "someone",
what do you think what happened?
i met "someone"
BUT
"someone" didnt even look at me!!!
yep, someone talked to me but didnt facing to me
even a GLANCE !!!
what do you probably feel
when you were in this tense situation?
i was acting like it was a normal-me
but inside, i was ... F-u-c-k-i-n-g SAD, OMG!!!
in fact, i was happy to see "someone" again
for 4 years in a role but ...
i cant thinkin of any word i possibly say
i dont know what i could say,
i'm speechless again...
what i have to type next, though?
well, you guys...
i've been loving "someone"
since we were in 5th grade
imagine that, dude !!!
it's a f-u-c-k-i-n-g 11 years !!!
i never told "someone" that
i love "someone" by myself,
even once !!!
but before i went to somewhere far away
at the airport i gave "someone" a CD
which full of love songs and i piece of paper
that i wrote what i felt about "someone"
all of my feeling which i've keeping for a long time
(***continued writing***)
and since that time and even i came back
i never-ever ask "someone" about those stuffs
i feel like if "someone" feels the same way as i feel
i think that someday
"someone" will tell me that by someone's self
BUT as i faced today
i think it's useless to wait to hear it...
and when i think about someone's reaction,
i shouldnt think about "someone" in the position
which we arent more than FRIENDS,
we are JUST friends!
yes, we are friend and will be that way for
FOREVER...
i've been thinking about this
and think what i really feel about it
i reckon i feel that...
"we really are just friends"
why? how come?
well, it's kinda complicate to say
i feel happy to see "someone" again
but in my mine,
i think what my thought has been changed
first, it might be that
we dont see each other for a long time
second, as the way "someone" acted today
and the most important is
"someone" isnt the same as me
(and i dont want to talk about it here)
the relationship between us is the way beyond the word
"friends"
but it cant across a thin line which both of us cant deny it
and it's the proper way that it must be
for others it might be flxible
but i think for us, it isnt at all
well, even it cant happen that way
i still love "someone" as one of my closefriend i ever have
"someone" is always the one who i always
thinkin of, concernin of, carin of, and lovin
and i think i shouldnt quit our relationship
but i will keep my eyes on "someone"
i will be here when "someone"
- wants somebody to talk to when alone
- wants somebody to cry on when the sadness comes
- wants somebody to hang out with
- wants somebody, at least i'm the last one that
"someone is thinkin of"
from my memory
October 30th, 2008
_______________________________
well, it's enough for those things
and i think i might be a new-me
(in fact, i've been tellin this to myself
but i cant change the way i am, though :P)
nowadays, i'm in the 2nd semester of 2008
and been studying for 2 weeks already
this semester is harder than the previous
and i think i might get bad grade again
woooow, dont even think to ask me
what grade did i get last semester
i wont tell you!
why? because it sucked!!!
but remember my last diary
i said that i must get at least C
for all of my majoring courses
(actually all courses, though)
and last semester, the lowest i got was C+
CONGRATULATION to me!!!
but my grade still sucked
i was kinda disappoint, though
because my grade was dropin for 0.5 points
and my overall grade was dropin for 0.15 points
IMAGINE THAT !!!
once, i hope i'll try to get the 2nd honour in the past
but now i only hope that
i might graduate as at least 3.00
in 4 years, that's enough for me, hahaha :D
so, these all for this page
because i think this is too much already, huh?
well, i might not being around for this semester
because i have to concentratin on studyin
more and more
more than in the previous that i used to...
so,
hope to write something down here again someday
see you later*
Rarm,,
Oct 30, 2008
around 4 in the evening
ps.
just notice that it's about a month from the last page, :P
